I'm currently sitting in the spare bedroom at my parents' house. I say the spare bedroom because there is no doubt in my mind that I will always have a place in my parents' house and I will always be welcome to come home, however I no longer really have a bedroom of my own here. Therefore, this room is not really mine. It just happens to be the one I'm claiming this week.
As I sit here, I can not help but think about tomorrow being Thanksgiving Day. This brings to mind the question that so many are asking, "What are you thankful for?" There is no shortage in things I am thankful, including the opportunity to be in Pennsylvania and spending this time with family. However this year, one thing seems to stand out above the rest. I am thankful that God has a plan that is bigger and better than my own.
Now, this is a concept I've known for years. I have said, written, and even taught about how God has a plan even when it may seem like everything is falling apart. Yet, this has become more real and evident to me recently than ever before. You see, I am also a planner. As a junior in high school I could have given you a ten year plan for my life. I was going to finish high school continuing with a handful of extra curriculars, active church involvement, and a part time job. I would enroll at Johnson Bible College for a Bachelor's degree in youth ministry. After graduation I would work in a medium sized church with teens. Somewhere along the way I would also get married and start a family.
If you're reading this, I must assume you've kept up on my life. You probably know that some of this played out just as I had planned. I did go to JBC, graduating with a degree in Youth Ministry in May 2011. That is about the place my plans fell apart. For four years of college, I said I would never do children's ministry. All the girls did children's ministry and it felt almost like a cop-out. I also never experienced children's ministry for myself because I didn't grow up in the church so I steered clear.
Don't ever try to tell God what you won't do. I began working with the children's ministry at Abundant Life CC in Sevierville my freshman year at JBC. I was still convinced this was just where I was serving during college. That all changed in the spring of 2011 when I joined the staff at ALCC as the Children's Director.
Each and every Sunday now, I realize that my plan was flawed. I did not have a clear vision of my skills and experiences as God had given them to me. I could not see the full path that He had laid before me. Children's ministry was never meant to be the stepping stone where I served until I "grew up" or finished school. On the contrary, children's ministry was right where God was and is calling me.
Even more so, God has made it evident that His plan is big and better than my own by providing a ministry for me to serve at full time in Ohio where I will begin in January. He opened this door when I was not looking or expecting it.
And before many of you ask, no I'm not getting married or starting a family any time too soon. However, I do trust that God will provide that, too. Yet I am sure He will do so in His timing not mine (probably when I least expect it).
So this year on Thanksgiving amongst all of the thankfulness for friends, food, and family, I must say that I am thankful for a great, big God who has great, big plans for me that are better than I could have asked or imagined.
*Dream Big Dreams. Pray Big Prayers.*
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Community
We were born to unite with our fellow men, and to join in community with the human race. ~Cicero
I feel like I am in a season of my life where God is teaching me a lot about community. This has not necessarily been a quick or an easy lesson to learn just as building of a community is not quick nor easy. God has blessed me with some amazing communities as I have continued this journey He is leading me on here in Knoxville.
One community has truly been a few different groups of people that have become interconnected in various ways coming together. It is not uncommon to find us out together on any day or night of the week. This could be at one of the many restaurants and business in Knoxville, at the dog park, in one of our living rooms, or (a favorite) one of our front porches.
It is with these people that I am reminded that we were never created to be alone. They are the ones who celebrate with me when things are going right. Sometimes they are the ones who cry with me when things fall apart. When I need to share my ideas or I simply need someone to listen, these are the people whom I know I can count on. These are the ones with whom I can dream big dreams and pray big prayers.
While in some ways I know I have always had people like this in my life, it is different now. We are intentional about spending time with one another. We ask tough and deep questions...ones that we may not know or understand the answers to. These are the people who purposefully get involved in my life and allow me into theirs. Now that I have such community, I don't know what I did without it.
I also feel as though having such community gives me a better understanding of God and the community He desires to have with us. He wants to purposefully be involved in my life and wants me to allow Him to be a part of it.
Just as Cicero said, we were born for community with the human race, to unite with fellow men. I am so thankful that in this season of change in my life, God has not only provided me with an amazing community of people to encourage, support, and challenge me, but He has also invited me to commune with Him.
I feel like I am in a season of my life where God is teaching me a lot about community. This has not necessarily been a quick or an easy lesson to learn just as building of a community is not quick nor easy. God has blessed me with some amazing communities as I have continued this journey He is leading me on here in Knoxville.
One community has truly been a few different groups of people that have become interconnected in various ways coming together. It is not uncommon to find us out together on any day or night of the week. This could be at one of the many restaurants and business in Knoxville, at the dog park, in one of our living rooms, or (a favorite) one of our front porches.
It is with these people that I am reminded that we were never created to be alone. They are the ones who celebrate with me when things are going right. Sometimes they are the ones who cry with me when things fall apart. When I need to share my ideas or I simply need someone to listen, these are the people whom I know I can count on. These are the ones with whom I can dream big dreams and pray big prayers.
While in some ways I know I have always had people like this in my life, it is different now. We are intentional about spending time with one another. We ask tough and deep questions...ones that we may not know or understand the answers to. These are the people who purposefully get involved in my life and allow me into theirs. Now that I have such community, I don't know what I did without it.
I also feel as though having such community gives me a better understanding of God and the community He desires to have with us. He wants to purposefully be involved in my life and wants me to allow Him to be a part of it.
Just as Cicero said, we were born for community with the human race, to unite with fellow men. I am so thankful that in this season of change in my life, God has not only provided me with an amazing community of people to encourage, support, and challenge me, but He has also invited me to commune with Him.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Are you portraying Christ?
I am going to start off by warning you, this is a bit of a rant. If you don't want to deal with that, then please stop reading now. This blog is mainly aimed at two groups of people who my co-workers at Sonic refer to as "church people" and "Johnson kids."
For those of you who don't know I am a carhop at Sonic. For the most part I enjoy my job. However, there are a few things that really bother me. One of the things that bothers me most is how Christians treat those in the restaurant industry. Some of you work in the restaurant business and know exactly what I am talking about. Those of you who don't have probably heard someone say that Sunday afternoons are the worst time to work because people come in after church and don't tip well. I can not express how true I've found this to be, although we also include Wednesday/Sunday nights after youth group in that statement.
(Side note: Sonic carhops make the same wage as waitresses. We depend on you to tip in order to pay our bills, so please be courteous.)
The average American eats fast food twice a week and eats at a sit down restaurant once a week. This gives Christians a great opportunity to witness to people who they might not otherwise come in contact with. However, if the only time I came in contact with Christians was when I am serving them at Sonic, I would have no interest in the Christ that they proclaim.
The two group I mentioned above, "church people" and "Johnson kids" are the ones whom our carhops most dislike serving. Not only do they rarely tip, but quite often they are also rude. (And then some share a gospel tract). It breaks my heart to see this happen. It also makes it difficult to proclaim the name and ways of Christ to those I work with, when they see the actions of other Christians, many who I know and associate with. So this is my plea, next time you get fast food, stop somewhere to eat, or pull into a stall at Sonic remember that you are portraying Christ. Let the people who are serving you see that there is truly something different about you. Your actions may be the only opportunity you have to share the gospel with them.
For those of you who don't know I am a carhop at Sonic. For the most part I enjoy my job. However, there are a few things that really bother me. One of the things that bothers me most is how Christians treat those in the restaurant industry. Some of you work in the restaurant business and know exactly what I am talking about. Those of you who don't have probably heard someone say that Sunday afternoons are the worst time to work because people come in after church and don't tip well. I can not express how true I've found this to be, although we also include Wednesday/Sunday nights after youth group in that statement.
(Side note: Sonic carhops make the same wage as waitresses. We depend on you to tip in order to pay our bills, so please be courteous.)
The average American eats fast food twice a week and eats at a sit down restaurant once a week. This gives Christians a great opportunity to witness to people who they might not otherwise come in contact with. However, if the only time I came in contact with Christians was when I am serving them at Sonic, I would have no interest in the Christ that they proclaim.
The two group I mentioned above, "church people" and "Johnson kids" are the ones whom our carhops most dislike serving. Not only do they rarely tip, but quite often they are also rude. (And then some share a gospel tract). It breaks my heart to see this happen. It also makes it difficult to proclaim the name and ways of Christ to those I work with, when they see the actions of other Christians, many who I know and associate with. So this is my plea, next time you get fast food, stop somewhere to eat, or pull into a stall at Sonic remember that you are portraying Christ. Let the people who are serving you see that there is truly something different about you. Your actions may be the only opportunity you have to share the gospel with them.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Jumbled Mess
Its been a long time since I wrote last. For those of you who follow, I am very sorry about that. I get a desire to blog at very strange times...like while on a 12 hour road trip or at 1:30 am when I should be asleep. When this happens I often find myself not blogging. Because I have had so many thoughts I've wanted to write about, this post may be a little jumbled (hence the title). I apologize in advance.
First I must tell you about how God blessed me abundantly last weekend while I was in Pennsylvania. Shannon and I had planned to be home for Kyle and Ashley's wedding. However our plans got stretched and shifted very suddenly with the loss of Randy Moskaluk. We went home 2 days earlier than planned. The time spent there was busy, but the weekend was a clear picture of how God gives and He takes away yet He is still God. On Thursday and Friday, along with many others I attended Randy's services. I can not express how blessed I have been to have the Moskaluk family be a part of my life for the past 8 years. Beginning with a friendship with Keifer at camp, I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to get to know this beautiful family. Their love, prayers, and support through my high school and college years has meant more than they may have realized. God used them to encourage me on a variety of occasions. Randy is and will continue to be greatly missed but he left behind a beautiful legacy.
Saturday I spent at a beautiful wedding ceremony of two dear friends, Kyle and Ashley. It was amazing to see them take this next step in their life together and to know that they are continuing to seek God together.
Often we do not understand why God does things. We do not like His timing. We want things to happen our way on our schedule. However, as the song that was shared at Randy's memorial service says, "God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man, So I’ll never understand it all. For only God is God."
I also want to share with you about one of the many ways I have been blessed recently. God has taught me a lot through other people recently. I am so thankful when He speaks to me right where I am at. This afternoon a friend came to the house. He brought a jalapeno. Now, I realize this does not seem like a big deal, and if the story ended there it would not be. However, this jalapeno is the first fruit of his garden. It was a tangible, real way for him to be a blessing to us through sharing the first product of his toil and God's providence.
Finally, I will briefly update you on what is going on in my life. I have been working quite a bit, but enjoying it for the most part. We are still in that awkward living out of boxes stage, but are mostly settled. Eden (my puppy) is getting big and mischievous. We have found that she likes to steal shoes and doesn't like change. She also has a new dog friend, Kaya who spends a lot of time with us. I have a potted plant garden that is doing well. If all goes well, we will have two different kinds of tomatoes, three kinds of peppers, zucchini, and squash in addition to the flower beds in front of the house. This has been one of the things I have greatly enjoyed since moving here. It is amazing to watch something grow and provide fruit and even more amazing when you know you had a hand in producing that. I can't wait until we can begin to harvest.
Well, that is all for now. However, I will try to write again soon.
First I must tell you about how God blessed me abundantly last weekend while I was in Pennsylvania. Shannon and I had planned to be home for Kyle and Ashley's wedding. However our plans got stretched and shifted very suddenly with the loss of Randy Moskaluk. We went home 2 days earlier than planned. The time spent there was busy, but the weekend was a clear picture of how God gives and He takes away yet He is still God. On Thursday and Friday, along with many others I attended Randy's services. I can not express how blessed I have been to have the Moskaluk family be a part of my life for the past 8 years. Beginning with a friendship with Keifer at camp, I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to get to know this beautiful family. Their love, prayers, and support through my high school and college years has meant more than they may have realized. God used them to encourage me on a variety of occasions. Randy is and will continue to be greatly missed but he left behind a beautiful legacy.
Saturday I spent at a beautiful wedding ceremony of two dear friends, Kyle and Ashley. It was amazing to see them take this next step in their life together and to know that they are continuing to seek God together.
Often we do not understand why God does things. We do not like His timing. We want things to happen our way on our schedule. However, as the song that was shared at Randy's memorial service says, "God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man, So I’ll never understand it all. For only God is God."
I also want to share with you about one of the many ways I have been blessed recently. God has taught me a lot through other people recently. I am so thankful when He speaks to me right where I am at. This afternoon a friend came to the house. He brought a jalapeno. Now, I realize this does not seem like a big deal, and if the story ended there it would not be. However, this jalapeno is the first fruit of his garden. It was a tangible, real way for him to be a blessing to us through sharing the first product of his toil and God's providence.
Finally, I will briefly update you on what is going on in my life. I have been working quite a bit, but enjoying it for the most part. We are still in that awkward living out of boxes stage, but are mostly settled. Eden (my puppy) is getting big and mischievous. We have found that she likes to steal shoes and doesn't like change. She also has a new dog friend, Kaya who spends a lot of time with us. I have a potted plant garden that is doing well. If all goes well, we will have two different kinds of tomatoes, three kinds of peppers, zucchini, and squash in addition to the flower beds in front of the house. This has been one of the things I have greatly enjoyed since moving here. It is amazing to watch something grow and provide fruit and even more amazing when you know you had a hand in producing that. I can't wait until we can begin to harvest.
Well, that is all for now. However, I will try to write again soon.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Home
So after months of spending hours on craigslist, emailing literally hundreds of people, looking a close to ten houses, and having a rental application rejected, we (Patty, Sarah, Shannon, and I) have found a house. I have included a few pictures and as we begin to move in and get settled I will share more. I thank you for all your prayers during this time. It was not easy, but we are excited about where and how God is leading each of us to minister in east Tennessee.
May your home always be too small to hold all of your friends. ~Author Unknown
May your home always be too small to hold all of your friends. ~Author Unknown
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Life As We Know It
Shannon and I watched Life as We Know It last night. Movie nights have become an important part of our friendship. It is time we intentionally spend together, but it also allows us to do other things as well as watch the movie such as homework, job hunting, or on nights like last apartment hunting and eating cake.
As we watched this movie the basic premise is that a married couple dies in a car accident leaving their infant daughter behind. The name their two best friends who are single and don't get along very well to raise this now orphaned little girl.
We joked about who we may marry and if we did who would be paired up to raise our children if something like this happenned. At points this was greatly entertaining. I always enjoy when you can see yourself in a movie. However, overall this movie highlighted what happens when things don't go as planned.
For me this was a reminder that God has a plan for my life. I am approaching graduation and God is revealing small portions of His plan for me. Yet He is not showing me all of the plan.
A few days ago a worship leader said how God could reveal His entire plan for our lives, but then we would not be walking by faith. I could not find this to be more true. If God told me the whole plan I would simply seek to reach it myself.
So as I take these steps forward in my life. I will trust that God has a plan. He has a plan in the big things as well as in the small things. I trust that God has a plan for the ministry He has called me to. He has a plan for the man of God He will place in my life. He has a plan in what I will do this day, this week, this month. I am thankful for a God who is present in the details yet has a plan bigger than I could even comprehend.
As we watched this movie the basic premise is that a married couple dies in a car accident leaving their infant daughter behind. The name their two best friends who are single and don't get along very well to raise this now orphaned little girl.
We joked about who we may marry and if we did who would be paired up to raise our children if something like this happenned. At points this was greatly entertaining. I always enjoy when you can see yourself in a movie. However, overall this movie highlighted what happens when things don't go as planned.
For me this was a reminder that God has a plan for my life. I am approaching graduation and God is revealing small portions of His plan for me. Yet He is not showing me all of the plan.
A few days ago a worship leader said how God could reveal His entire plan for our lives, but then we would not be walking by faith. I could not find this to be more true. If God told me the whole plan I would simply seek to reach it myself.
So as I take these steps forward in my life. I will trust that God has a plan. He has a plan in the big things as well as in the small things. I trust that God has a plan for the ministry He has called me to. He has a plan for the man of God He will place in my life. He has a plan in what I will do this day, this week, this month. I am thankful for a God who is present in the details yet has a plan bigger than I could even comprehend.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
What's next?
As most of you know, I will be graduating from Johnson Bible College on May 6th. The question of what comes next has been on my mind for almost a year now, becoming increasingly important. It is a question that many of you have been asking. So for all of you who have been asking, I finally have an answer.
I will be staying in Tennessee and continuing to work with Abundant Life Christian Church. Abundant Life is a church plant in Sevierville, TN. I have been serving as a volunteer there for just over three years in the children's and/or youth ministries since our very first Sunday.
I am very excited about this opportunity which God has presented me with. I ask that you please pray for Abundant Life and the plan which God has for us there. Some things you can pray for me is that God would provide affordable housing, that I will remain diligent as I finish my school work, and that I may best use the resources given to me to further God's Kingdom.
If you are interested in hearing more about this next step in my life or you are interested in helping to support me financially or as a prayer partner, email me at beautyinthestorm@ymail.com
I will be staying in Tennessee and continuing to work with Abundant Life Christian Church. Abundant Life is a church plant in Sevierville, TN. I have been serving as a volunteer there for just over three years in the children's and/or youth ministries since our very first Sunday.
I am very excited about this opportunity which God has presented me with. I ask that you please pray for Abundant Life and the plan which God has for us there. Some things you can pray for me is that God would provide affordable housing, that I will remain diligent as I finish my school work, and that I may best use the resources given to me to further God's Kingdom.
If you are interested in hearing more about this next step in my life or you are interested in helping to support me financially or as a prayer partner, email me at beautyinthestorm@ymail.com
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dear Valentines Day
A friend of mine just posted a link to a blog on facebook. After reading it I couldn't help but share it. There was so much truth and emotion and authenticity. I think somewhere along the line we can all relate to this. So here it is:
Dear Valentines Day (by Jamie Tworkowski)
My friend Don wrote a blog about you today and his blog suggests that you used to look a lot different than you do today. He says that you are the product of a poet and that before this poet's pen, you were not a romantic holiday.
i think i would have liked you more back then, whenever that was. The truth is that you really bother me now. i think you bother a lot of people, honestly. i'm not sure how you got so much power. You show up every year right after Christmas. You turn the windows pink and you sell your diamonds on the radio and i think i've gotten five emails from 1-800-FLOWERS in the last three days.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that i don't like love. i love love - i think it's the best thing that happens on the planet. It's the biggest dream inside me. But i bought a lie somewhere along the way. i bought the lie that says i'm not alive if i'm not in love. i bought the lie that says if i love someone but then they stop loving me or they start loving someone else, then i must have no value or power or worth. i bought the lie that says if i'm not in love, then i'm as good as dead.
And if you believe that lie long enough, it makes a giant hole. It makes a hole so big that no one person could ever begin to fill it. Not even a princess. Believe me, i've tried. To fill it with a person, to fill it with beauty, to fill it with all the things you sell.
But i don't think it works that way. Bono says his songs come from a God-shaped hole inside of him. He's my favorite singer and he has a lot of things. He has great stories and a wife and kids and plenty of money. But in spite of all of those things, he still has this God-shaped hole and he says that it's the reason that he sings.
i've been thinking lately that maybe i've confused a girl for God, a different one every year or two, since the first day of junior high. And man, that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, to make them God. That is a ton of power to hand to someone. Especially when they're just a person. A person with questions and flaws and pain of their own.
So maybe there's a war, inside of me and for me and maybe my heart is the opposite of small. Maybe it's the opposite of cheap and empty and alone. Maybe it's sacred and enormous and wild.
To make a long story short, i think i've given you way too much power. i let you scare me and i let you name me and i let you tell me what i'm worth.
i don't want to do that anymore.
There are dreams inside of me and those are mine and my guess is that they're there for a reason. But for all the days like now where the dreams are asked to be only dreams, i'm gonna keep getting out of bed. i'm gonna keep living my story. i'm gonna believe that there is reason and purpose, and power in my life. i'm gonna believe that i'm alive inside a story bigger than my pain, bigger than everything missing.
It crossed my mind to try to ignore you, to try to go to bed early and wake up when you're gone. But i changed my mind. i am part of a gang in Florida and we're gonna get together tonight. We're going to open our computers and we're going to choose to believe that words are powerful. We're gonna do our best to tell someone something true. We're gonna ask people not to give up on their stories.
Valentine's Day, i don't hate you. i don't even blame you. Perhaps you did not name yourself. Perhaps you are the product of hundreds of years, hundreds of thousands of broken people and a million God-shaped holes.
The truth is that we're all living love stories.
Peace to you tonight.
jamie
PS: i wrote this while listening to The Script's Science & Faith.
Dear Valentines Day (by Jamie Tworkowski)
My friend Don wrote a blog about you today and his blog suggests that you used to look a lot different than you do today. He says that you are the product of a poet and that before this poet's pen, you were not a romantic holiday.
i think i would have liked you more back then, whenever that was. The truth is that you really bother me now. i think you bother a lot of people, honestly. i'm not sure how you got so much power. You show up every year right after Christmas. You turn the windows pink and you sell your diamonds on the radio and i think i've gotten five emails from 1-800-FLOWERS in the last three days.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that i don't like love. i love love - i think it's the best thing that happens on the planet. It's the biggest dream inside me. But i bought a lie somewhere along the way. i bought the lie that says i'm not alive if i'm not in love. i bought the lie that says if i love someone but then they stop loving me or they start loving someone else, then i must have no value or power or worth. i bought the lie that says if i'm not in love, then i'm as good as dead.
And if you believe that lie long enough, it makes a giant hole. It makes a hole so big that no one person could ever begin to fill it. Not even a princess. Believe me, i've tried. To fill it with a person, to fill it with beauty, to fill it with all the things you sell.
But i don't think it works that way. Bono says his songs come from a God-shaped hole inside of him. He's my favorite singer and he has a lot of things. He has great stories and a wife and kids and plenty of money. But in spite of all of those things, he still has this God-shaped hole and he says that it's the reason that he sings.
i've been thinking lately that maybe i've confused a girl for God, a different one every year or two, since the first day of junior high. And man, that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, to make them God. That is a ton of power to hand to someone. Especially when they're just a person. A person with questions and flaws and pain of their own.
So maybe there's a war, inside of me and for me and maybe my heart is the opposite of small. Maybe it's the opposite of cheap and empty and alone. Maybe it's sacred and enormous and wild.
To make a long story short, i think i've given you way too much power. i let you scare me and i let you name me and i let you tell me what i'm worth.
i don't want to do that anymore.
There are dreams inside of me and those are mine and my guess is that they're there for a reason. But for all the days like now where the dreams are asked to be only dreams, i'm gonna keep getting out of bed. i'm gonna keep living my story. i'm gonna believe that there is reason and purpose, and power in my life. i'm gonna believe that i'm alive inside a story bigger than my pain, bigger than everything missing.
It crossed my mind to try to ignore you, to try to go to bed early and wake up when you're gone. But i changed my mind. i am part of a gang in Florida and we're gonna get together tonight. We're going to open our computers and we're going to choose to believe that words are powerful. We're gonna do our best to tell someone something true. We're gonna ask people not to give up on their stories.
Valentine's Day, i don't hate you. i don't even blame you. Perhaps you did not name yourself. Perhaps you are the product of hundreds of years, hundreds of thousands of broken people and a million God-shaped holes.
The truth is that we're all living love stories.
Peace to you tonight.
jamie
PS: i wrote this while listening to The Script's Science & Faith.
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